Apply for Fall Study Abroad by March 1st!

I cannot definitively pinpoint a moment when I knew that I wanted to study abroad. As a child, I thought of travel as an abstract guarantee, not a privilege. Whenever I visited my grandparents, Samantha Brown’s Passport to Europe was constantly on in the background. While my elders oohed and aahed over exotic foods and foreign architecture, I barely looked up from my Nintendo DS. I assumed I would see all of these places someday – that a desire to travel would be enough. I never understood when Grammy would sigh and say wistfully, “I wish I got to see Greece. I always wanted to see Greece before I died,” as if it were already too late. I thought I could see those places someday, and she could, too.

I did all my Spanish homework in the hope that I would easily converse with native speakers – someday. I went to high school and worked a couple of jobs so I could afford great experiences – someday. I committed to Northeastern so I would not only have access to a global education, but be expected to take advantage of it – someday.

Somewhere along the line, I realized that someday is today. There will never be “enough” time. There will never be “enough” money. No amount of formal instruction will make me 100% confident in my Spanish-speaking abilities. No one is going to hold a gun to my head and demand that I leave the United States; if I don’t take the initiative and seek out my own travel experiences, I might never see Greece (or Spain or the UK or Australia) before I die. Suddenly, that day seemed as good as any other to bite the bullet and apply for the Spanish Language & Culture Dialogue of Civilizations, because I had the whole wide world to see and I had to start somewhere.

I do not know what will change, only that it will. Of course, I have concrete goals for this adventure, and plans to achieve them: I intend to use this guided trip as a chance to familiarize myself with international travel. I am dedicated to improving my conversational Spanish through both structured classes and conversation with locals. I am signing up for every show and tour and class so that I can soak in as many snapshots of pure, unadulterated culture as possible. Above all else, I want to break the influence that American culture has over my thoughts and lifestyle: to step into a different society so I can pick and choose the parts of each that speak to my soul, ultimately winnowing my true self from the place in which I was raised.

There are so many aspects of this journey that I’m anticipating, but I think I’m most eager to experience an entirely different value system – one that seems much more family-oriented and hedonic than that of the typical American college student. I’m looking forward to coming home to my host family for lunch, and I can’t wait to take a nap during midday siesta without feeling like I should be in the library. I try to learn something from everyone I meet, and I can’t wait to exchange ideas with potential friends over a steaming dish of paella – without feeling self-conscious about my sociability or guilty about the calories I’m consuming. Then again, maybe my perceptions of Spanish culture are entirely wrong and I’ll find myself utterly surprised.

I’ve always hated change, so I’m less terrified than I am homesick. It doesn’t matter that I haven’t left yet: I already long for the glow of the Citgo sign over the Charles, the T rattling by beneath my window, impromptu brunches with my best friends, and the space that I call my own. Knowing that great things lie ahead, but hesitating to believe that they can possibly be as worthwhile as the things you already know: it’s a different kind of prepartum depression. I’m also dreading the inevitable languagesickness. I don’t think this term has been coined yet, but I’m sure the sensation is deserving of a name. As someone who takes pride in her communicative abilities, I know I’ll grow frustrated with the limitations of a second language, with my reduced capacity for expressing nuance and understanding those with whom I converse.

At the end of the day, these emotions are mere growing pains, and they will eventually subside. There are many things I want to be, but stagnant is not one of them. I can withstand homesickness, frustration, loneliness, and just about any other feeling, if I know that I am overcoming these obstacles in pursuit of something worthwhile.