Your eyes meet, yours shoot away, then theirs. Back to the floor. And once more. You are sitting right next to each other, holding your breath. How do I introduce myself? Where do I begin? It feels so dirty, so wrong, such an imposition. That someone might have to glance upon your face and utter the magic word. “Hello.”
Making friends is vital to integrating with a new culture, and not doing so makes everything stay the same. If you don’t have anyone to talk to, your new two bedroom in Berlin starts looking like, well, your old one in Boston. Where you didn’t share hot cocoa with your roommates, or go on that romantic stroll through Newbury Street like you planned. Sometimes, especially in the beginning, it will feel like all is lost without your trusty friends, familiar apartment, and loving family. The scariest part about making friends is that if there is no instigator, then the instigator must be you. So, if not now, when?
The magic word becomes your mantra, humming dully in the mind so it is fresh and hot and ready to be spit out – Hello. He- eh – low. On the first day, I said them first to a fellow student in the lobby of our accommodation/hotel. He didn’t want to talk and kept his AirPods in. 0 for 1. I moved on to my next target, and yes, there are targets when you can hit or miss so easily. “Hi,” I said. Then, “how are you?” A one-two punch.
To make new friends, you have to put yourself out there. And by out there I mean outside of your room. It’s time to jump, to talk to strangers, wave at those recently familiar faces on the sidewalk. Making this leap requires faith, confidence, and most importantly, a good amount of luck. Embrace awkwardness. Hang out in public spaces. Turn your inner monologue into nice, silly observations. Soon, comments like “that food smells great!” (referring to the smell of boiling pasta) or “nice pants!” (they are wearing blue jeans), become bridges that might change your life and start new friendships.
If someone doesn’t want to engage, which, is quite easy to tell, move onto your next target. There is no need for flashiness, new outfits, catchphrases, or white lies to bolster reputation. Just start greeting your teachers, your fellow students, baristas shopkeepers, anyone. Entice them into conversation with ye old trusty “where are you from?” Getting them to talk about themselves can help you find common interests. Before you know it, you two are sharing some fries in front of the Eiffel tower, going on weekend trips, and helping each other with navigating a foreign laundry system.
An added challenge comes with language barriers. Abandoning embarrassment is a tool here – you have to push through it. Say any words you know, motion with your hands, smile and embrace the bliss of idiocy. You have no idea how to say “this orange juice, not that one” so you will have to point, gesture, and maybe flap your wings like a bird. Learn the basics in both languages, at least – thank you, goodbye, yes, no. These will take you far. And think, even when someone is laughing at me for trying and failing, at least I’ve brought a smile to their face.
Meeting people is hard, but being alone is harder. So, the next time someone looks at you with that nervous, forlorn stare, both of you acting as mirrors of each other, remember this word. “Hello.” And funnily enough, you might start counting these people in your inner circle within the next few weeks.
