When I left my parents at TSA, I promised myself I wasn’t going to overthink studying abroad.
Two hours later, on a crowded plane, the person in front of me is reclining their seat so far back that it’s pressing against the laptop I’m currently writing on, and I wonder how I ever could have thought I would do anything BUT overthink.
My name is Rowan, and this is technically my second time studying abroad. I did a dialogue in Ireland in 2019 with 18 other Northeastern students. It was very fun, but it wasn’t like this. I was with Northeastern professors, with Northeastern students, and doing activities that were organized by our program, and in a country that spoke primarily English. This time I was in a program I didn’t know, in a country I’d never been to that primarily spoke a language I barely know. And I didn’t know anyone.
Things were 50/50 once I got on the plane; no one was sitting next to me, but as soon as the plane went dark after take-off, my phone slid back a few rows and disappeared. In the hectic moments of searching, I spilled my completely full water bottle all over myself. My clothing was soaked, my mask was so damp it was unbreathable, and water was pooling in my seat. They had a great movie selection on the plane, and the food was surprisingly good, but we sat on the runway for 45 minutes, shortening my stop in Amsterdam where I would go through customs and immigration to an hour and a half.
Basically, by the time we left the ground, I was having a bad day. I sat in the restroom and let myself cry for a minute before cleaning up the remaining makeup on my face, squeezing out my mask (still drenched from the earlier spill), and asked myself why I was even doing this?
I was reminded of the Jaws Bridge in Martha’s Vineyard.
Every summer, I would visit my friend out in Martha’s Vineyard and we would go to this bridge featured in the Jaws movie. It’s a popular bridge to jump from, following about five seconds of free fall into a freezing cold canal. My friends would make fun of me for not joining them, but there was no way I could jump off that bridge.
Until one day I did.
It was the worst. It was so terrible. Those five seconds of free fall were nauseating, and hitting the water burned. But I came out of the water laughing, my whole body shaking, and ready to jump again. And I did. Two more times. Then vowed I never would again.
That’s how I feel right now. Hopefully, the worst is over – I’ll be okay sitting in wet leggings for the next few hours if it means from here on out it gets better. And maybe it won’t. Maybe customs will be hard, and there will be lots of turbulence on the next plane ride, and maybe my roommates will be weird or the shower won’t run hot water. But that’s just the free fall. Eventually, it will get better, and I will come out laughing, shaking, and ready to do it again.
That’s how it feels when your plane leaves the ground: like you’re in free fall. But that’s half the fun, isn’t it?
I have a lot of anxiety about studying abroad. What if everyone has friends already when I get there? What if I fail my classes? I’ve never failed a class before, but how different are Italian classes to American ones? What if I don’t make friends and can’t do all the traveling I want to do? What if I don’t like Florence?
I can’t wait for these anxieties to go away, but I’m even more thankful that I have them. Having anxiety about the future means that you’re taking risks. Failing means that you tried. I’d rather be sitting here, worried that I won’t have the best time of my life studying abroad, than sitting at home knowing I never had the opportunity to experience the things I’m about to.
Basically, to be as cliche as possible: you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
