When I first applied to study abroad for an entire year, I was definitely not thinking about how a whole year of distance from my friends back at Northeastern might affect me negatively. Like most people who are considering studying abroad, I was ready for big change and a new environment, but I didn’t really stop to think about what that might actually be like. While flying to a new country to set up camp for a semester (or two!) seems to be this glorified experience, there are a lot more hardships than are typically talked about. I do think that part of the reason we mostly hear about the positive experiences of study abroad is because they ultimately outweigh the negative ones. However, I think it’s still healthy to normalize feeling lonely and make sure we’re prepared to deal with it if it sneaks up on us (or smacks us right in the face!), which is why I wanted to share my personal experience dealing with all of that while on the other side of the pond (Atlantic Ocean, pond, same thing).
My mentality going into my year abroad was not an uncommon one: no new friends. I loved my friends back in Boston, and honestly wanted to avoid having to go through the uncomfortable phase of making new friends again. I mean, I already painfully participated in Northeastern freshman orientation. But I’m also sure there was a part of me that was afraid of not being able to make new friends or not being liked, and that fear is certainly easy to cover up as something else. So I put on this armor of ‘doing my own thing,’ and, while I definitely had some friends and didn’t spend every second of my day in my room, I mostly kept to myself.
At the beginning of the term, I invested most of my time into schoolwork, but unfortunately, for me, that wasn’t too sustainable. Over the course of the term, I started to feel less and less like myself. My days weren’t really productive or filled with things I felt passionate about. This feeling started to creep over me and I didn’t realize what it was until I went home for winter break and got to consistently be around my friends and family again in a place I felt comfortable in. In the absence of it, I realized I had been hit with a serious case of loneliness during my first term abroad.
While home over winter break, however, I decided it was time for some real new year’s resolutions. In 2020, I was not going to drop the ball on the whole socialization thing. I was going to involve myself in something I felt passionate about and force myself to interact with more people in the community that I was living in, all in an attempt to make it feel more comfortable, more like home.
Since I’ve been back this term, I’ve joined the Women’s Football (or soccer :p ) team at my college and really involved myself in a group on campus called Common Ground. Being involved with both of these groups has already made me feel much more engaged with my community and I definitely feel more like myself! I still spend days alone, but I enjoy those days of solitude more this term than I did last.
So here’s my advice (and thank you for reading through all that): just join something. People aren’t as scary as they seem, and if they don’t like you, that’s their problem. The more you get involved, the easier it will be to find people that you vibe with. But I get that that’s easier said than done, trust me. So just be kind to yourself if you’re feeling lonely, and know you’re not alone.
